


Tougher Than He Thought

by Bats



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-15
Updated: 2000-03-15
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:35:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bats/pseuds/Bats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian does much for one that doesn't love in return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tougher Than He Thought

Tougher Than He Thought  
DS 9 G/B  
by Bats

 

Elim Garak, Cardassian tailor, awoke with his caramel treat snuggled close to him. The sleeping doctor sensed the movement and wrapped himself closer to the Cardassian warmth. Garak smiled to himself at the now instinctive response Julian had each morning. Even after almost a year, Garak still couldn’t believe his fortune at capturing the human doctor’s heart. He himself, was sometimes still dazed at the depth of emotion he felt for the beautiful human. And he felt loved with an absolute certainty that was staggering. He was loved by Julian Bashir and he’d come to the realization that it was a most extraordinary feeling.

This was not the outcome he had expected when he had been exiled to the now Federation owned station. He wasn’t on Cardassia, he wasn’t with a Cardassian lover and yet he was happy like never before. No wire to furnish the feeling artificially, and he still felt euphoria. He was truly glad of his Obsidian Order training or he would be walking around, grinning like an imbecile.

His thoughts were interrupted by both his and the doctor’s comm badges sounding.

\--------

Major Kira and Lieutenant Dax piloted the Defiant to the location Odo had given. The radio call for help had been faint but Odo had gotten enough of a lock on the signal to pinpoint the origin of the message.

Doctor Bashir readied his supplies as the message had indicated the need of a doctor. Garak was also aboard as they were in Cardassian space. His help could be invaluable. Major Kira tolerated him for that reason.

The ship slowed, waiting for the rendezvous ship. The crew waited in silence for the incoming message.

There was no warning when a small ship decloaked, beaming Garak and Bashir from the Defiant. The ship was cloaked and gone before the Defiant was able to react.

Dax immediately began hunting for the taceaon signature of the cloaked ship and followed.

\------

Bashir and Garak found themselves yanked from the transporter pads and dragged to a holding cell. They were pushed roughly inside and a force field was erected behind them. There was no place to sit. Sitting on the floor or standing were their only options.

One of the Cardassian guards looked at Garak, “Dukat finally has you at his mercy and he’ll be happy to kill your human in front of you so he can watch you suffer.” The guard laughed.

Garak forced his fear down and answered with a nonchalance he didn’t feel. “It would be a waste of a good doctor but that is all. He is nothing to me affection wise. A beautiful body, but I don’t care emotionally for him. Tell Dukat he needs to find some other way to cause me pain or watch me squirm.” Garak looked up to where the surveillance equipment was probably located.

“So if we were to inflict excruciating pain on the human, it would not bother you? I may still do it, it would please me.” The Cardassian guard laughed as he leered at Bashir.

Garak looked over at Julian, to gauge how his words might have affected him. Surprisingly, Julian seemed not to be fazed by them at all. This reaction concerned Garak. Garak remained unmoved outward, but his mind screamed in fear for his Julian.

The guards stood there, making sure that the prisoners didn’t sit and rest. Garak remained silent until the guards finally left them alone.

Garak turned and moved closer to Julian, speaking close to his ear, “I, of course, didn’t mean any of that Julian.”

“It’s okay, Garak. I already know.”

“What do you already know?” Trepidation set in.

“That you don’t love me. I’ve always known this. I’ve accepted it from the beginning.” Julian told Garak, very matter-of-factly.

“My dear Julian, how is it that you do not believe that I love you?” Garak was filled with anxious dread that he would loose this incredible being.

“Garak, Obsidian Order Cardassians do not fall in love with the subject they were sent to spy on. You already consider it a weakness that you think I’m beautiful. You worship my body. It’s enough. I accept whatever you give me.” Julian told Garak with plain acceptance.

“What do you mean enough?” Garak’s heart was racing. Julian didn’t know he loved him more than life itself. All this time together and Julian didn’t believe that he was loved. Garak’s chest squeezed tight against itself.

“Garak, I’ve had so many relationships that truly meant nothing. With you, my heart and head came together. I accept you as you are, so I will take whatever you are able to give. If it’s only physical gratification, then I accept that. To me, you are worth the price.” Julian cupped Garak’s cheek as he looked deep into the blue eyes, trying to reassure the Cardassian.

“Of course, you’re right.” Garak said, hoping that Julian would see through the lie.

“Thank you Garak, for that truth,” Julian closed his eyes in fatigue.

Garak was left stunned, emotional pressure building in his chest. Julian did not believe he cared, did not love or could not love him. What a perfect irony for a Cardassian, Garak thought as he fought to keep his thoughts inside and allow nothing to show.

Guards would periodically come in and whack or kick the human as he sat on the floor and each time Garak had to show nothing. The well trained Cardassian let none of the anger or hatred he felt spill onto his outward expression. The fear that grew internally was that all this confirmed Julian’s misconception of his emotions, or lack thereof.

Garak bent to check the human, “Doctor, let me check for gashes.” Garak had to fight Julian’s hands as they tried to push him away. “Please allow this.” He had to do something, his Julian was hurt.

“They know the right places to hit without leaving bruises. I won’t be marked. Only pain and there is nothing that can be done about that here.” Julian told the Cardassian.

Garak let himself be pushed away. Heartsick that the human thought his concern was for the cosmetic. How was it that Julian could gleam the truth so often and have no clue on this matter. All train of thought left Garak as a different guard came in and collected the human doctor. Garak was now alone with his thoughts. He slid to the floor, face hidden in his knees.

\---------

The guard pushed Bashir in front of him and he entered the room awkwardly. Gul Dukat stood there waiting impatiently. Bashir did not care for this Cardassian. He was about to lodge a protest, when the Gul lifted his hand.

“Doctor, before you start, I brought you here to help these wounded.” Dukat led him to a make-shift ward of fifteen injured Cardassians.

Julian forgot whom he was dealing with as he went into doctor mode. With curiosity, he asked, “Why don’t you have any Cardassian doctors to attend?”

“They were injured in a non-sanctioned maneuver and cannot receive aid. I ask you to attend them.” Dukat made the request with dignity.

“Of course. Why not just ask? I would have come. You didn’t have to threaten Garak for my compliance. Having me beaten is not a sound idea either.” Julian said as he ran the tricorder over the first patient.

“I wish to hurt Garak, not you Doctor, even though your choice of lover is dubious. The guards were a bit over zealous.” Dukat replied honestly.

Julian worked on each patient in turn as he continued to converse with Dukat. “Gull Dukat, the only emotional pain to inflict would be on me. I love Garak, Garak does not love me. That is not the reason for our relationship.”

“Doctor, why try and mislead me? I have already made assurances that I would not harm you.”

“I am not misleading you whatsoever. Garak desires me, but does not love me.” Julian hid the painful affect the words had on him.

“Only desire?” Dukat’s voice raised in question.

“Dukat, can you tell me that you’ve not had a relationships based solely on desire?” Julian asked drolly.

“Well ……. yes, I see.” Dukat admitted and at that moment he thought Garak a fool.

“I will need some neoplas drip and I’ll need to have some more equipment.” Bashir told him adamantly.

For the next sixteen hours, Julian worked on the various injuries in order of severity. The two guards stationed with him helped when asked on orders from Dukat. They complied willingly as they watched their comrades get better before their eyes.

When his work was complete, Dukat escorted an exhausted Bashir back to the holding cell he shared with Garak. “Arrangements have been made for your release, they are being set in motion as we speak.” With a pause and a deep breath he added, “Dr. Bashir, I will not kill Garak as payment for your service here.” Dukat nodded at the doctor in thanks, then left.

Garak only heard the last sentence uttered by Dukat and he was left wondering what service Julian had to perform to get his life spared.

Julian drooped as he sat on the bed. Garak went to his side and let the human lean against his chest for support.

\-----

It was Bashir’s next run to a Bajoran outpost to tend their wounded, that caused the doctor to become one of the wounded himself. He tripped a Marquis land mine and never felt the blast that hit him.

The crew of the Defiant rushed him back to the station and all available personal worked on the human to save his life.

O’Brien thought to notify Garak. He knew that Julian would want that.

Garak rushed to the infirmary, but waited outside. His emotional turmoil was not for other’s eyes. He spent the better part of an hour pacing in front of the entrance. He felt pain well up within as Dax rushed out looking for him.

“Garak, you’re here, the medical staff want you to come in and let Julian hear your voice. He keeps mumbling your name. They hope your voice will calm him.”

“Is he ….?”

Dax shook her head slowly, “I don’t know.”

The Cardassian felt very defeated indeed. Julian would die without believing in the love he held for the good doctor. He followed the Lieutenant in. He gripped Julian’s free hand and bent over to his ear as he whispered for Julian’s ears alone, “Julian, I need you. I am lonely without you. Please fight.” Garak took a steadying breath and said a bit louder, “Who but you will ever show me the merits of Shakespeare?”

The nurse brought a chair for Garak. She pointed to the monitor connected to the Doctor. “He’s calmed considerably with your presence. Please stay.” Her personal opinion didn’t enter in to it when the life of Doctor Bashir hung in the balance.

Garak nodded, knowing he could do nothing else.

He settled in and took hold of Julian’s hand once again. He rubbed it, loving the feel of the smooth human skin. He let his thoughts wander back to the past, how they came together. Garak remembered it like it was yesterday instead of a year ago.

**They were once again arguing about a Cardassian literary work and Julian was being particularly offensive. As he thought on it, he realized that Julian had been quite disparaging to him for several weeks. Irritated and aroused at the same time, Garak asked, “My Dear Doctor, do you know how some Cardassians might take your words?”

“I know how a real Cardassian would. So that means you won’t, not being a real Cardassian yourself.”

Garak was very aroused. ‘Does that enticing Starfleet package really know? Let’s find out.’ Garak thought to himself.

Garak growled as he slammed Julian’s body between the wall and his own body. His rock hard erection hitting Julian’s thigh. He was expecting a protest, a stammer, not a leg being wrapped around his waist as human lips devoured his.

Seems that they both understood each other quite well.**

Thinking of the here and now, Garak knew that sex with Julian was more than he had ever hoped it could be with a non-Cardassian. Julian loved it hard. The genetic enhancements were a plus, and he had the stamina to match a Cardassian’s.

This Cardassian knew that he had told the human that he was beautiful. Garak realized that he probably mentioned this everytime they coupled. And he was beautiful by Cardassian standards, even human, he was sure. Smooth, caramel skin that begged to be touched and fathomless eyes, that were both innocent and knowing.

As he watched the sleeping doctor, he was struck with the possibility that he had never said aloud all he felt inside. He may have never phrased the depth of his love aloud. He had shown his love for the human with his body, his actions, but never the words.

Words seem to be more important than actions to the human. Then a part of Garak had to admit that it was also possible that Julian didn’t recognize the actions that proved his love.

It really was possible that Julian had no clue to the depth of emotions he held for him.

He reached out and touched Julian’s hair. Hearing someone enter the infirmary, snatched his hand back quickly and masked his face. The nurses indicated that they needed to change the dressings, so he would have to leave for a while. He let his eyes devour the sight of his external heart, then turned and left, looking at no one.

He went back to his shop and placed the closed sign out. He wanted to be alone. Just as he was about to get the locks set, Judzia Dax stood at the door with eyes that inquired.

With a resigned sigh he opened, “I am closed presently.”

“May I speak with you?”

“What about?” He asked hesitantly.

“Julian.”

“Nothing has happened since I left?” The urgency apparent in his voice.

“No.”

“I’m sorry Lieutenant, I do not have the time at this moment. Perhaps later.”

Dax looked at how exhausted Garak appeared and agreed to another time.

Garak finally locked the door and went to his back office. He requested a glass of Kannar and thought on his most recent revelation.

\-------

Garak was awakened from his Kannar induced slumber by the Lieutenant’s anxious voice. He touched the message panel.

“Get dressed, we need to beam you to the infirmary. Julian is unconscious and stressing drastically and only you seem to calm him.”

“Ready.” He dressed quickly as he listened to Dax.

“Energizing.”

Garak found himself in the doctor’s outer office.

A Bajoran nurse signaled, “Hurry, Mr. Garak.”

Garak went to Julian’s side and picked up his hand as he leaned in and whispered into his ear. He spoke of his love and the need for him to remain in his life. The noise around him lessened and a part of his mind knew that Julian was stabilizing. Garak stayed as he was and continued to talk into his beloved’s ear.

Two hours later Garak felt a hand at his back and found both the Lieutenant and Captain behind him.

Sisko said gently as he looked down on the sleeping doctor, “They have him stabilized enough now to enter him into regen.”

“Then he will live?” Garak didn’t care what he revealed by the urgency of the question.

“Yes, Garak. He’s going to live. He should be good as new in just a few days.” Judzia felt they need to reassure the tailor. For just a flash in time, she saw the relieved and grateful look that just as quickly disappeared.

\-------

Within the week, Dax’s words were proved true and Julian was home again. Garak made some new clothes, lounging pajamas and soft comfortable slacks to accommodate the still tender skin. He prepared some of the human’s favorite foods instead of replicating them. Every task done with the love he wanted Julian to recognize he had.

After dinner Julian curled himself on Garak’s lap, needing the feel of his lover’s strong arms around him. They talked late into the night of Julian’s remembrances of the incident. He shared his fears of the event and delight upon hearing the nurses talk of Garak’s sojourn at his side.

“I could be no where else when you were injured. I was very worried about you.” Garak told him with heart felt honesty.

“Thank you, Elim.” Julian said before he started kissing the warm Cardassian neck. He nibbled on the ridges and whatever point Garak had hoped to make was lost in the sensations that Julian’s tongue elicited.

Garak let Julian lead until he was almost carried over the edge and then he turned the tables. He kissed the lips that held the smile that had captured his heart. He brushed their erections together before he moved his lips to the chocolate nipples, he sucked and nipped at the growing nubs. Receiving the moans of joy from his lover, he allowed his tongue to trail down, following the center line until he reached the thatch of dark hair the nested the human’s smooth penis. The scent of his arousal was enough to push him over but Garak mastered himself before he engulfed Julian’s smooth but rigid shaft completely within his mouth.

Julian writhed without control, consumed by the sensations Garak created. He felt his balls cupped and squeezed and knew no coherent thought after that. He was sensation and Garak licked, sucked and squeezed out every one possible. Julian’s nerve endings sizzled and the fire spread out and Julian exploded into Garak’s throat as the Cardassian swallowed all that Julian bestowed and worked the sacs and shaft for any missed offerings.

The sheer beauty of Julian’s orgasm was enough to send the deprived Cardassian over with his lover. After he cleaned them up, he drew his well sated and tired beloved close to him and entwined together, they fell asleep.

\------

Weeks passed and Garak tried to show Julian more overtly his love for the human. Julian responded to each overture with more passion. Each time they made love Julian poured his love into every caress, every kiss. Garak despaired that his Julian didn’t know that he was loved in return. Garak thought he shouldn’t let it bother him. He was getting everything he could possibly want and he didn’t have to expose his heart. But Garak was bothered. He wasn’t satisfied. Oh Julian has surpassed all expectations he’d had for the physical relationship, but Garak discovered that he needed Julian to know, believe. His time with the human has altered some major part of him and he wouldn’t change it.

Never in all his years had he known the happiness that he had with Julian. And right now that very happiness ate at him. For Julian to believe that he wasn’t loved even now as they lay together vexed him.

As usual, he awoke to find Julian’s body wrapped around his like a second skin. And as so many mornings, if the doctor didn’t have the early shift, he would awake and immediately kiss the part nearest his mouth.

This morning was no different, and Garak was soon lost in the feather-like sensations that radiated out in concentric circles to meet back at themselves. Garak thought that Julian was love itself as he worked his magic on his old Cardassian body. Part of Garak just wanted to lose himself in the building sensations. But part also needed to explore where he had failed in showing his lover that he was indeed loved in return.

The Cardassian could feel his ridges darkening as desire escalated, threatening to short circuit all coherent thought. He let the tide go and gave himself over to the waves of pleasure that invaded and he knew he was lost as he felt his rock hard erection swallowed to it’s base.

\-------

As more weeks passed Garak grew more pensive.

The war grew in its intensity and Julian put Garak’s preoccupation down to his dual role in the war; working for and against his homeworld. Julian knew this was one of the hardest things that Garak had to contend with. He would do little things to make the days go easier, but the battles and missions took their toll and tempers about the station frayed.

Members of the command staff would say unkind things about Garak in front of Julian and stung, Julian would defend his chosen lover.

Kira, filled with more than her usual anger and hate toward Cardassians took it out on Garak through Julian. “He is only capable of loving Cardassia, why you stay with him is beyond me. Especially when both those nurses were throwing themselves at you down on the planet.”

“I am committed to Garak.” Bashir said with steel in his voice.

Stung at Julian’s defense and tone, she said in anger, “He doesn’t love you, you know.”

Drawing himself up proud, said, “Matters not, I will be with no other as long as he wants to take me to his bed.” The hurt that her words inflicted was detected by no one, not even Garak as he stood outside the entryway, overhearing the entire conversation.

A feeling of suffocation squeezed Garak’s chest as he listened to Julian admit that he was unloved. He cared not what the Major thought, but Julian, he cared greatly what he thought and he still believed that he was not loved and cherished by him.

No being could remain happy in a relationship where he continued to believe that he wasn’t loved. The thought of losing his Julian was enough to freeze his heart and his chest ached as the despair of the imagined loss affected him.

Dax was one to notice the pensive Cardassian, but she did not presume that it was war related. She cornered Garak alone in his shop.

Garak sighed inward as the Trill approached, a determined look in her eye. “Lieutenant, how may I help you? In need of a new dress?”

“Not today, instead, I was hoping to help you. You seem so downcast, I was hoping you would share so I could assist you.”

“These troubled times burden us all,” Garak attempted to deflect the conversation away from himself.

“Yes that’s true, but that isn’t what’s affecting you most. Is it Elim?” The Trill used his personal name, letting him know that she knew more than what was common.

He watched as Dax made herself comfortable, as if she were here for the long hall. In a rash moment he confided, “The foolish young man does not believe that I love him.”

“But he seems so happy……” Dax started as Garak interrupted.

“Yes, well, he knows I think him beautiful and that I desire him, but that’s all. He doesn’t believe I could love him and you know why,” Dax just shook her head as she watched the passionate tailor. “It’s because I’m Cardassian. And I can tell you that Cardassians can love fiercely and devotedly.”

“You need to tell Julian this,” Judzia said softly.

Garak looked at the Lieutenant and suddenly realized how much he reveled and calmed himself. “Indeed you’re right.”

“Garak, don’t hide away that passion, it’s what Julian needs to see. He knows how deep you feel for Cardassia. He must feel that an alien can’t compete with that devotion.” The Trill stated astutely.

He looked into the Trill’s eyes and nodded even as he struck his stoic pose.

\--------------

Julian knew that Cardassians didn’t celebrate their birthdays, only their naming day. Bashir was hesitant to ask, afraid that Garak didn’t have one. He wanted to create one as a thank you for how much richer his life was now. The only special thing he could thing of, other than having his exile lifted, was for Garak to see his mother, Mila.

He had Quark contact her via his connections and waited for a confirmation site. With that accomplished, he contacted Dax and obtained her help in use of the Defiant.

With date and time, Judiza skillfully piloted the ship to the back side of XXXXXX without Cardassian detection. She questioned Julian on the voyage, “How did you obtain his birth date?”

“I couldn’t. I have selected one myself and intend to surprise him.” Julian admitted.

“That’s a very nice thing to do. What brought this about?” Dax asked, her curiosity never satisfied.

“The last few months have been even harder on Garak than the rest of us and yet he finds time to do thoughtful things for me. I just replying in kind.” Julian shared with his nosy friend.

“”Why does he take the time, I wonder,” she asked, hoping to nudge Julian’s thoughts in the right direction.

She received an annoyed look and exasperated tone, “Not you too?” Julian was disappointed, he had thought that this one friend actually liked Garak.

Judzia understood too late how Julian took her question. “Oh, Julian, I don’t mean it that way. I think Elim cares a great deal for you.”

Julian smiled, somewhat mollified, “Yes, he does. Just not in the same way. I’ve gotten more than I expected and am happy for that.”

“He loves you,” she stated softly.

“Not in the way you mean it, but still enough for me.” Julian looked at the directional to check how close they were.

Dax let the topic die, realizing that Garak needed to do something drastic. But she had no ideas to share.

Julian smiled at the Trill as she beamed him down to the planet surface. Mila stepped forward, eyes darting everywhere. “Dr. Bashir.”

“Are you ready?” he asked as she didn’t come any closer.

She looked down at the ground as a man stepped to the forefront from behind the thicket of shrubs.

“Well, if it isn’t the doctor pet of Garak’s. Come to save his life again?” Tain asked with disdain.

Julian knew full well that Tain knew exactly why he was there. “No, just trying to accomplish something pleasant.”

“How quaint that you would come here for that.” The old Cardassian sneered.

“It’s Mila that I need.” Julian was succinct.

“Well, I can’t spare her.”

Julian sighed, knowing what the Cardassian agent wanted. “I’ll stay and do what she would.”

“I would hardly want you as a bed partner.” Tain paused thoughtfully, “But that could cause Garak great pain.”

“It would have to be rape. I would not submit.” Julian knew better than to challenge, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Rape would be just as pleasant.” Tain looked over at Mila, “Two days or the Doctor dies.”

Mila nodded as Julian moved closer to her. He whispered to her, for her ears only, “Don’t tell Elim of my whereabouts ‘til you’re about to leave. I don’t want the circumstances to spoil this time for him.” Mila nodded again.

Julian gave his comm badge to the small Cardassian woman and showed her how to use it. They could hear the Lieutenant’s voice say, “Energizing.”

Julian watched in relief as Mila got off okay.

Tain sensed that relief and said in a bored, knowing voice, “Doctor, you risk this all for nothing.”

“Not nothing to me.”

“You are only prolonging the inevitable.” Tain was all confident.

“No, on this you are wrong. I provide a small pleasure for the great service he does me.” Julian hated the ‘I am winner voice’ that Tain always maintained.

“Doctor, it is you that is in err. I will have Garak when he comes back for you.” Tain was matter-of-fact about it.

“He will not. I hope Mila stays and doesn’t return.” Julian told him defiantly.

“You will die then,” Tain smiled.

“You will kill me no matter what.” Julian announced with no visible emotion.

“No, I have already promised that I would not kill you,” his eyes raised in triumph.

“Yes, but doesn’t exclude others doing it for you.” Bashir said knowingly.

Tain smiled again. It was an irritated smile at Julian for the accurate second guess, but it was still a smile. “I will have Elim and you will be the cause.” He pushed a buzzer.

“Garak won’t give up Mila. I am not that important.”

\-------

Dr. Bashir is requested to stay until my return.” Mila told Judzia before the question in her eyes reached her voice.

“I see.” Dax was not pleased at this turn of events, but it was completely unexpected. She turned the Defiant and headed for the station.

\--------

As the Defiant was secured in the docking bay, a time delayed message activated on Garak’s screen.

Garak finished with his customer before acknowledging the message.

“Voice recognition and name required.” The computer voice requested.

“Elim Garak.”

“Voice match.”

“Play.”

“Elim. Happy birthday. I’ve decided to proclaim today as your birthday. In lieu of a party, I decided to get you a special present instead. You should prepare to close the shop as it will arrive in just a few minutes. It is given to you with love. Julian.”

Garak smiled bemusedly at the screen. His dear Julian was a silly sentimentalist, but it was a sweet gesture. He decided to indulge Julian and set about closing the shop. Before he had engaged the lock, Lieutenant Dax entered.

“Garak,” she called to him.

“Ah Lieutenant ……..” he started but was stunned into silence as his dear Mila followed the Trill into the shop.

A genuine smile graced his face before he rushed forward to embrace the treasured person of his past.

Dax smiled at the tenderness openly displayed by the Cardassian. “I will be available from noon on tomorrow.”

Mila nodded as the lieutenant left. They spoke in Kardassi as Elim caught up on Cardassian news and Mila got first hand the events in Elim’s life.

Almost an hour had elapsed before Garak looked around and asked, “Where’s Julian? How did he arrange this?”

Mila looked down, her enjoyment diminished by the answer she had to give. “He required an exchange before granting permission.”

“Julian’s back on XXXXXXX.” Garak delivered it as a flat statement.

Mila nodded before looking up at Garak. “Yes.”

“When are you to return?”

“Tomorrow.”

“He’s not planning on releasing the Doctor.” This was also a statement. His mind was already ticking off options.

Mila sighed in lieu of an answer.

Weighing all the possible alternatives, Garak speculated aloud, “If you were to return early, he would suspect a move from me. He most likely believes that I will return with you. He knows that I care for the doctor more than I claim. He will use this against me. I must plan.” Garak ceased his musings aloud as he faced Mila. “Let’s not waste our time together. Shall we get lunch?”

Mila cupped Garak’s cheek as she looked into his eyes, sending a silent message of affection. “Yes, let’s.”

\--------

The following day, Judzia had not been surprised when Garak told her he was joining them. She too suspected that Julian’s release would not prove easy.

Garak held Mila’s hand in silence as they returned to Cardassian space. His thoughts on the planned assault instead of past remembrances.

Judzia brought the ship into the colony planet’s orbit. She signaled ready to beam as Mila stepped onto the transporter pad.

Garak kissed each cheek and gripped her hands in his silent goodbye. He watched as she became translucent and disappeared.

As soon as she was gone he turned to Dax, “Lieutenant, please beam me outside the house to these coordinates,” the request made as he handed her the padd.

“Are you armed?” the trill asked.

“Yes.”

“Here, take mine too. Can’t hurt to a have a back up.” She gave her phaser to the Cardassian without hesitation.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Garak said with genuine sincerity.

She handed him her comlink, “Just tap it for a beam out.” Garak nodded his understanding. “Bring him back,” she whispered as Garak stepped onto the transporter pad.

Garak gave one sharp nod as Dax energized.

\------

Mila solidified in the Tain household livingroom. She nodded to the doctor and just stared at her boss.

“Garak did not accompany you?”

“I did not ask him to.” Mila replied meekly.

“I would have thought that Elim would want to retrieve his sextoy.” Tain said abrasively.

“Elim doesn’t know.” Mila lied.

“You didn’t tell him?” Disbelief evident in his voice.

“He did not ask,” Mila looked at Julian as she answered.

Tain also looked at the human, “It appears, Dr. Bashir, you may have been right.”

Julian kept his face neutral as he listened to the Cardassians. He had held a minute hope that Garak would come to the rescue. It was probably better that he did not, but it was hard to curb the disappointment.

Garnering no reaction from the human, Tain ordered his guard to return the doctor to his cell.

As Julian stood, he was frustrated that he couldn’t make eye contact with Mila. He wanted to see if at least she enjoyed her visit. Hopefully Garak had, for the price that Julian believed he would be ultimately paying.

The Cardassian guard pushed Bashir into his cell and slammed the door shut. If he had expected any reaction from the human, he was disappointed. Garak had impressed upon Julian again and again, show no emotion to Tain; he would use it against you.

Julian let his thoughts continue to wrap around Garak, for he had shared many insights with him. They have aided him in many situations. Other than showing Garak the idiosyncrasies of human behavior, Julian hoped that he had provided his Cardassian an outlet for his tender emotions.

But obviously, Garak hadn’t missed him during the time he spent with Mila and Julian knew he couldn’t hide the hurt from himself. He knew that Elim cared more than he thought a proper Cardassian should, but he had expected Garak to notice that he hadn’t come home. He had also expected for Garak to question how Mila had arrived. Julian didn’t want to sulk, but that was what he was doing.

\----------

Garak landed just inside the outer perimeter. He knew the safest way to approach the dwelling without alerting the sensors. Garak had fully expected a Tain welcoming party but none were to be found. Garak took nothing for granted and made his way to the house with even more caution.

He blended into the shrubbery, moved slow and secretive. Tain had underground holding cells, Julian was sure to be held there.

There was a guard by the outside entrance, with Dax’s phaser on stun, he took out the guard. He keyed in the code that he had stolen and deciphered earlier. He entered the passageway. He stayed back against the wall to avoid the vid sensors.

Garak heard the voices of the guards, set the phaser on double wide and stepped into the center of the passageway. He took both guards unaware and silently moved to their bodies. He unhooked the keys from the fallen Cardassian’s belt and turned to face Julian.

A silent, dumbfounded Julian, an elated Julian. “Garak, you’re here.”

“My dear doctor, your grasp on the obvious never fails to amaze me.” Garak smiled at Julian’s expression. “Did you doubt that I would extricate you?” Garak asked and then realized that Julian had doubted. The pain that swept throughout his body was almost crippling.

“Mila told us you didn’t even know,” Julian explained. “I had hoped you would,” he continued honestly and added, “But figured you couldn’t if you didn’t know.”

Garak worked more intently on the door lock than was necessary to give him extra seconds to control his face. “Did you expect me not to notice that you were missing?” Garak asked, more than curious.

“Actually, yes. But I had asked Mila not to mention to you the exact circumstances until she was leaving. I expected you to be engrossed in Mila’s visit.”

The door open, Garak motioned for Julian to follow him as he said, “Not to the exclusion of you, my dear. You have yet to grasp how much ….” Garak was interrupted by the warming up whine of a disrupter. Garak shielded Julian with his body as he whipped around, phaser pointed at his old mentor, Enabrain Tain.

“Leaving so quickly, Elim and without a word? Tisk, tisk, tisk.” Tain motioned for Garak to move aside.

Garak refused. He reached behind his back, pointed to the phaser and pointed left. He felt Julian slip it out slowly. He flexed one finger, two finger, three. Garak hit the right guard as Julian simultaneously hit the left.

Tain shot Julian’s phaser out of his hand. Garak’s responding phaser fire brushed close to Tain’s face, Tain could feel the heat. With total control of his composure and voice to match, “Seems you were in error, Doctor.” He directed the dialog to the human, then turned his attention to the Cardassian. “Now Elim, stop this foolishness and come join me for dinner. Your pet won’t be harmed right now. This was very creative, you haven’t lost any of your talents. I need you back here.”

Every fear Julian had was before him; Tain showing approval of Elim, and asking him home to Cardassia. Julian grabbed his burned hand and held it close to his body.

Garak felt Julian deflate in posture beside him. The silly doctor had no idea. To Tain, he smiled as he said, “As attractive an offer you dangle, I must decline. The welfare of the doctor is now my primary concern.”

“Very well, he may beam away, then you can join me, assured of his survival.” Tain magnanimously bestowed the offer as he waved his hand in the air.

“You misunderstand, Enabrian. My primary concern period is Dr. Bashir. No offer you have will alter that.” There was no mistaking Garak’s intention.

“Not even full restitution to Cardassia as a full Gull?” Tain enticed.

Without a heartbeat’s hesitation, Garak answered, surprising all, Tain, Julian and himself. “Not even that. You all seem incapable of comprehending the importance of the doctor to me.”

Julian’s gasp was music to his ears.

“Now, as entertaining as this conversation is,” Garak moved Julian closer to the exit, where the comlink would work. “It is now time for Dr. Bashir and myself to depart.”

Tain used his last card, “I will kill Mila.”

“Do what you must,” Garak said in a sad voice as he tapped Dax’s comm badge and pulled Julian close.

Tain just watched as the two dematerialized in front of him.

The transporter beam delivered the two escapees to the pad of the Defiant and a relieved Dax.

Without words, all three moved with haste to the command deck. Dax’s fingers flew over the computer controls, issuing commands to the ship’s computer. They entered hyperspace as quickly as they could.

The station finally came into view. Dax watched Julian gaze at Garak, Judiza knew after looking into Julian’s eyes, that it was more than returning to the station, they were going home.

When they docked, Dax knew there would be some explaining to do. She could also see that the two lovers had reached an important intersection and the romantic in her had to help. “Julian, go to your quarters and let me talk with Sisko.”

Julian smiled at her, his thanks plain to read in his face.

The pair said nothing as the walked through the station to the habitat ring, ending up at their quarters. As the door closed behind them, they stood silently looking at each other.

Julian studied his Cardassian closely and even fully clothed, he appeared more exposed than he had ever seen him.

Garak found it was time for full disclosure. He also found he needed it. “Julian, I have discovered that I need you to believe that I do love you more than life itself. For my peace of mind, you must believe this.” Garak was emphatic. “I did not know that having a truth known could be so important.”

Julian looked at Garak, the center of his happiness and found himself compelled to gaze into eyes that begged to be believed. The need to be believed so great, it seemed like a physical ache.

Then, as a blossom that just received its first water, belief in the returned love grew. “With Dukat, your words were lies. With Tain, the words were the truth. You need me that much.” Julian said all as a statement.

“More.” Garak was almost afraid that this was all his imagination.

Liquid mahogany stared into azure pools, gates to every corner of his soul revealed. Julian sucked in his breath with the trust that came with the gesture.

Garak watched as the expressive face displayed the awe he felt at his gesture of complete openness and trust. The fears that Garak had kept hidden were released, dissolving into thin air, for they were without foundation. He was loved as is and more importantly, his love was accepted and embraced. A finer moment in his life Garak couldn’t remember.

He reached for Julian at the same moment that Julian reached for him. Their lips met, their tongues danced in a remembered joy. Fingers ran through hair as if it were for the first time, each caress enhanced by the deeper commitment found in each others eyes.

Garak moved them to the bedroom, removed Julian’s clothes, then his own.

Julian touched the ridges on Garak’s forehead, and under his eyes. His lips followed the fingerpad trail. He nipped the ear before running his tongue down the scaly neck to rest at the shoulder junction. Julian growled as he sucked the pulse point and felt Garak melt beneath him.

Julian loved the power that he had always commanded in Garak’s body, but now, knowing that he had his love, Julian wanted to convey more. So into every lick, every nip, every touch by his lips or hands, he infused his love. The electrical charge between them grew. Their blood carried it, the air that circulated about their system was made from it. They were the sensation.

Julian reached the delicately scaled penis and gently blew on it. Garak’s unconscious action of lifting his hips and matching groan signaled his readiness. Julian engulfed the shaft slowly, centimeter by centimeter until it was entirely enclosed with in the warm human mouth. Julian pulled and sucked and swirled his tongue about its head. His fingers were caressing the taut testicle sacs and the Cardassian growls were ferocious sounding and music to the human’s ears. Julian could feel the build up start and worked even more diligently on his Cardassian treasure. His reward was the thick pink seed that exploded into his throat and howls were ripped from his lover’s throat.

Julian licked his lips as he watched his lover open his eyes and smile.

Garak took a deep breath, alive with desire and flipped his human onto his back. He exquisitely tortured him the same way he was done, from the ears to the throat, down the chest to the apex of Julian’s thighs. The smooth, rosy shaft beckoned him, the order enticed him and he answered the call. He sucked it in and rolled it around his mouth and into his throat. The human writhed beneath him, gripped the sheets in his fists, his throat girggled unintelligible sounds that made perfect sense to the Cardassian. Julian was enjoying himself. Garak hummed his pleasure and that added vibration was enough to push Julian over the precipice into the realm of pure feeling.

Watching Julian climax was intoxicating and Garak was rock hard again. Julian felt this and turned over and lifted his hips. The thrill of taking Julian had an allure he could never refuse. He flipped Julian onto his back again. In a husky, lust-filled voice, “I want to see you.”

Julian’s smile was all sex and Garak groaned as he reached for the oil. He tenderly prepared his love. This was not a moment for the Cardassian hard, but instead the human romantic way. He entered slowly, reveling in the completeness he felt himself and saw on Julian’s face. He moved deliberately slow until Julian pressed back against him to increase the speed of the thrusts. The speed increased and each thrust brushed the gland and wrought the desired response from lover.

Garak was close, but he focused his eyes on Julian’s and locked their gazes together as they climbed as one. The buildup screamed for release and Garak filled Julian’s canal as if every droplet were a physical expression of the love he felt. In turn his chest was covered with Julian’s offerings and at this moment, not a sticky mess, but the welcome contributions of expressed love. Somehow this orgasm was more exquisite with the knowledge of love given and accepted by Julian Bashir, who has given him more than all of what Cardassia could offer.

Sated and languid, head on heart, chin on head, entwined so close that air was challenged to find a path between. Complete in their reciprocated love, they slept.

 

fini


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